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tv   The Daily Show  Comedy Central  February 5, 2016 1:37am-2:11am PST

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- i wonder if trick's gonna send me some sort of a signal. you know, like rub his nose or, like, pull on his dick. - he's not going to. you're delusional. - can we just watch the news? - girls, girls, hush, hush! shut it, it's starting. thank you. - good afternoon, i think we all know that i've come to a bit of a crossroads in my life, and, you know, i got some really great advice from a really good friend this weekend. - hm. [laughs softly] - and, uh... that advice was to remove the clutter. and that clutter is football.
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[reporters gasp] kent russell, i love you, and i would've never been able to make this decision. i was wavering, and you made it for me. dude, i'm gonna follow my dreams. i'm gonna be a stand-up comic. - no. - i know it's crazy, right? i mean, how you guys doing out there? [phone ringing] - what's the quarterback? like, what's the deal with that name? - greg, my man! [laughing] - it's weird, it's like some dude took your quarter. - i don't like comedy. i didn't say that. i didn't say that! - i see a lot of ladies out there. [in rasta accent]: love me the ladies, oh, hey. i met this girl, right? she's all like, "oh, man, i like, cry every time i listen to annie lennox," and i'm like, "annie len-nah, that sucks, dude. don't cry at annie lennox." you know what also sucks? like, generally when, like, women are like, "yeah, i like sports," and you're just like, "go knit. like, prune a tree or something or prune this dick. mm!" - [laughing] - [clears throat] - you guys are fun. - what a train wreck. - yeah, like, turns out we're out of his league. [both laughing as jay baruchel] - and don't even get me started on traffic, right?
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it's like-- just all go the same speed. >> from comedy central's world news headquarters in new york, this is "the daily show" with trevor noah! (cheers and applause) ♪ >> trevor: welcome to "the daily show"! i'm trevor noah! thank you so much, everybody! our guest tonight, youtube star lilly singh is here, people! (cheers and applause) that's right. she is here. if you like your interview, don't forget to rate and subscribe. subscribe right here. but first, such sad news. we have to start the show with some fond farewells. >> the republican field is narrowing. rick santorum suspended his campaign last night. rand paul and mike huckabee also
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dropped out. >> trevor: no! my sweet right wing princes! my beautiful conservative gentlemen! we were just getting to know each other! now that they're out of the race, oddly enough, these people wield a lot more influence through the power of endorsements. nothing boosts a presidential candidate more than the enthusiastic endorsement of one of his peers. rick santorum knows this. which is why as soon as he stepped out of the race, he said he was endorsing marco rubio, which led a lot of people to say, oh, okay, tell us why. and tats when the trouble began. >> what do you list as marco rubio's to have accomplishment that made you decide to endorse him? >> well, i mean, i would just say there's a guy who's been able to, to number one, win a tough election in florida -- >> so he can win. but he's been in the senate four years. can you name his top
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accomplishment in the senate? >> he was on the campaign trail and accomplished that. the bottom line is, there isn't a whole lot of accomplishments -- >> that's it? that's your endorsement? rick santorum is the worst hype man i have ever seen in my life! (laughter) you guys are going to love my boy marco rubio! he doesn't have many good runs, but on the other hand he doesn't try very hard either! hit it! (laughter) you know, i joke about this, but i really am going to miss these guys so much. i just wish there was a fitting way to say goodbye. could someone please roll the fitting way to say goodbye? ♪ started small ♪ because we're brothers first ♪ >> you will always be with me. ♪ (applause) >> trevor: ah, we're going to miss you. (laughter) all right, people. let's move on to what everyone's
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really thinking about. >> it is the countdown to super bowl 50! >> super bowl show thyme. the big game just three days away. >> super bowl 50 will feature a quarterback matchup of epic proportions. >> trevor: super bowl! yeah! (cheers and applause) you know what i love about the super bowl is the buildup. the stakes are so high. normal games, they're just like these guys are going to play, those guys are going to play. the super bowl, it's let me tell you, this guy is struggling with dislexia this is happening to his family -- they build the game up so much that by the time it's here, it's, run for your family! run! the bron denver broncos led by n manning and the carolina panthers by cam newton. i have been following football for a long time and what americans call football for a while now. i really love it. what makes this match so exciting is that these guys
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couldn't be more different on the field. peyton manning is unflappable, precise, all business. cam newton is interject, unpredictable, fun. contrasting styles, two of the best worlds colliding. except the media seems to be highlighting it differently. >> cam newton lightning fast on the wheel and a lightning rod for critic as well. >> controversial for the way he celebrates in tend zone. >> end zone dabbing superman impersonating quarterback. >> 39 is the most prolific passer. never takes his eyes away from the printout and looks like he's constantly cramming for the s.a.t.s. newton demonstrative, hyper emotional, soaking in every moment like the most rambunctious kid on the playground. >> trevor: the only reason cam is dancing is he has a good time. the reason peyton manning ising on the bench whenever he gets a
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chance is because he's the oldest quarterback to ever start a super bowl! (cheers and applause) after 20 years of football, your spine is basically jenga blocks! (laughter) every time he moves, there is a 40% chance he'll break his neck! in fact, if you zoom if on what he's actually studying, if we zoom in there, yeah, i thought so -- cam newton doesn't study -- how can you say cam newton doesn't study just because sometimes you see him dancing? john travolta danced all the time and he's a scientist, people! come on! (cheers and applause) cam newton studies all the time! there he is, he's studying! he just -- you just chose not to show it because to have the story you're trying to tell. i can do it with one filter. oh, look, cam newton studies all the time. peyton manning seems to be constantly cramming pits is a
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into his face hole. between his jenga spine and the pizza, this sunday will be a real match up! (laughter) let's face it, we know what's really going on here and so does cam newton, because he studies. >> why do you think you're judged, why do you think you have become more of a lightning rod than other athletes? >> i'm an african-american quarterback that may scare a lot of people because they haven't seen nothing that they can compare me to. i'm doing exactly what i want to do, how i want to do it, and when i look in the mirror, it's me. (laughter) >> trevor: that's deep. that is deep. i mean, that's pretty much whatever one sees when they look in the mirror, you see yourself. that's why they call them mirrors. but i feel you. i feel you. that's what i'm saying. i feel you. this is about race. you know what i love about all the race conversations we have in society?
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people always say it's not about race. >> his comments lighting up the internet. some claiming hypocrisy. the end zone dances of white quarterbacks are celebrated, not maligned, while others say of newton a free rehearse dance is never classy regardless of race. >> trevor: ah, twitter... as always, your calming words soothe the wounds of discord. tas such bull (bleep). look, american football is amazing but not classy, that's why we love it. it's a bunch of guys smashing into each other and slapping their asses. that's the game. no one's throwing the ball with a pinky up or apologizing for getting in the way, right? this over here, this is football! this is football! not this! right? that's wine. that's not part of the game. that's classy! cam newton is right, everyone celebrates after a touchdown. you know when i was growing up in south africa, i never knew
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what american football was, but i knew this and this and this. that's what you do! i did that to dodge the police! i did that all the time! (laughter) everyone celebrates. aaron rodgers even has a commercial when he's doing this! how's that classy? not supposed to be because it's fun. i know there are differences, nothing wrong with that. black and white people celebrate differently. remember when the white guy became the first person to win on who wants to be a millionaire? he celebrated like this. >> he's won a million dollars! (laughter) (applause) >> trevor: yeah. okay. john seems mildly pleased to have just won a million dollars. now check out this black celebration. >> you are not! (cheers and applause)
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yeah! i don't va son! don't have a son, whoo! and, no, you don't have a father! no one ever thinks of it from that point of view, do they? no one everc kid -- i mean, c'mon, what's the difference between this and this? it's just the angle, that's all it is. i'm half black, half white, so i feel i'm in a position to talk to both sides. black people... (laughter) i'm going to talk to the white people first because they're not used to waiting. (laughter) (applause) white people, relax. you just got to understand, after a few hundred tough years, black people want to celebrate when they win. they're not trying to ruin the game. they're just trying to to have a good time. so relax! and they're not going to steal the quarterback position from you. it's yours. all right, black people, thanks
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for waiting. (laughter) we've taken that quarterback position, baby! (cheers and applause) oh! we'll be right back! oh! (cheers and applause)
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(cheers and applause) >> trevor: welcome back to the show! last week billions of -- next week billions of people will celebrate the chinese lunar new year. this week in the n.b.a. one of the holiday celebrations did not go as planned. >> on monday, the team canceled a lunar year promotional giveaway celebrating the year of the monkey. >> the monkey was part of recognition of the chinese new year. >> made after demarcus raids concerns. >> cousins says it's insensitive to give out the shirts on the same day as the start of black history month.
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(audience reacts) >> trevor: for more on this story, we turn to senior basketball correspondent ronny chang, everybody. (cheers and applause) >> thank you, trevor. thankjf you. >> trevor: so, rony, i guess the big question, was it okay for the sacramento scing kings d out year of the monkey t-shirts on the first day of black history month? >> i understand how hundreds of year of slavery could make you think. this but this was an unfortunate incident. chinese people have no beef with black people. i know black history month is important to you but we started naming years after animals $5,000. it's a set pattern. every year is a different animal! i'm an ox, you're an ugly rat, cameron the fat pig. we can't change that. it's just science. do you really think back in ancient china when they were drawing up the lunar calendar
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some old chinese guy with a long white beard was like, oh, oh, oh, you know what would be funnier if somedays there was a sports league for mostly black people and we give a monkey t-shirt! no! that never happened! and by the way, not every chinese person talks like that, okay, that's racist (laughter) >> trevor: but you were the one doing the accent. >> don't think about it, trevor. who was offended? one fy', demarcus cousins. really? that's the guy we're listening to? he's been a leader in technical fouls for five seasons in a row now. the biggest crybaby in the n.b.a.! oh! that guy fouled me! i hate my coach! that t-shirt hurts my feelings! blah, blah, blah! you know what should hurt your feelings demarcus? your team being tenth place in conference.
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(audience reacts) if curry complains about a monkey t-shirt, that's a conversation. (audience reacts) >> trevor: wow, ronny, i'm shocked right now. you know a lot about basketball. >> of course, chinese people love basketball. a million chinese basketball planned and countless players of chinese descent. >> trevor: isn't it just jeremy len? >> downless players. the year of the monkey happens every 12 years. we need to fix this now or this is just going to keep offending people. we can't move chinese new year because it's based on the moon. there is nothing we can do about it. so i suggest you guys just move black history month. >> trevor: what! no, no, no! ronny, whoa, no, we can't just move black history month. >> sure you can. why do you want february anyway? it's the coldest, shortest month. sometimes it's missing a day, it's a bad month. i can't believe you guys were
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suckered into taking february in the first place. why not take may? 31 days and no monkey-based holidays. it's beautiful. >> trevor: i see your suggestion but i wouldn't count on that happening. >> trevor, all i'm saying is, black people, listen, we're all on the same team. we're not your enemy. we already proved we could work together in rush hour, remember? that's right, chris tucker and jackie chen kicked ass, conformed to racial stereotypes and respected each other's holidays! >> trevor: ronny, don't you ever touch a black man's holiday! >> trevor, we're not trying to touch your holiday! dunes the words coming out of my mouth? >> trevor: nice, that was rush hour. >> it is from rush hour. see, bringing us together, already. >> trevor: that feels good. thank you so much! ronny chang, everyone! (cheers and applause
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♪ ♪ ♪ ba da ba ba ba ♪ ♪ (cell phone rings) where are you? well the squirrels are back in the attic. mom? your dad won't call an exterminator... can i call you back, mom? he says it's personal this time... if you're a mom,
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you call at the worst time. it's what you do. if you want to save fifteen percent or more on car insurance, you switch to geico. it's what you do. where are you? it's very loud there. are you taking a zumba class? ♪ ♪ ♪ yeah yeah ♪ ♪ ♪ here we go, go, go ♪ ♪ (cheers and applause) >> trevor: welcome back! my guest tonight is a youtube star whose channel is called superwoman. her docko movie available on february 10 is called "a trip to unicorn island." >> i don't want to seem like some unattainable, untouchable, unreachable person. i think, instead, i said come to my show because for an hour and 40 minutes, we're going to be best friends and have the time of our lives hanging out together. >> if i had to pick a facebook
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relationship status that applied to me, it would be, like, castaway, movie. why do you think my happy place is an island? do you see how this makes sense? >> trevor: please welcome lilly singh! (cheers and applause) ♪ >> trevor: welcome! hank you. i love we're behind a desk. we don't haveo sit all pretty. i can sit all ugly, good. >> trevor: but you're still pretty. look. >> you're so handsome. >> trevor: oh, thank you. just wanted to put that out there. >> trevor: you've got a subscriber. well done. lilly singh, welcome to the show. >> thank you! >> trevor: why do you bother with this? you are huge. for those parents who don't know, maybe -- >> my parents. >> trevor: you are huge on youtube. i checked today, 7,792,000
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subscribers? >> yes (applause) >> trevor: that is insane. that is an army of people. you realize you have more subscribers than some countries. >> yes, i actually just listened to the show in trinidad and their population is 1.3 million. hey, hey? >> trevor: yes. let's start at the the question beginning. your story is fascinating. you find about youtube stars getting into it randomly, fighting in their bedroom. your story is amazing. you were suffering from depression and started this youtube channel. >> yes, it was my last year of university. i was going through the motions of life. i was getting my psychology agree -- go freud! (laughter) and i was following my sister's footsteps blindly, not doing anything to make me happy. i discovered youtube, uploaded my first video, and made me
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happy and i decided to do it. >> trevor: you continued and do it successfully. you do voices, impersonations, accents. what's your favorite accent? >> my dad's character is lined of like, hello -- >> trevor: your dad's? yeah. >> trevor: please. she's doing the accent, come on. >> my dad's character is, like, hello. and yes that weird creepy face is not completely like my dad. >> trevor: people love this about you. you connect with the people. you even say it in the docu film. the rock is part of this. >> it's casual. we're, like, best friends. when i was on tour his daughter and girlfriend actually came to my show. not me, another girlfriend. (laughter) and they were so supportive because his daughter is actually a fan of mine in south florida circle because i have been a fan of dwayne the rock johnson since the day i was born.
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>> trevor: everyone is. something is wrong with you if you're not. he texted me this advice before my tour. it was great. >> trevor: did he tell you to slam someone? what's his advice? did he tell you to tell people to smell what's cooking? ask them, ask them! >> no, it's a long text. started out, like, hey, sexy -- >> trevor: i feel like you're paraphrasing. >> no, it was, like, hey, thinking of you -- no, it was a really sweet text. it was, like, this is going to be hard and you have to take care of yourself because no one can take care of yourself like you. it was great advice on the road. >> trevor: you went on a world tour. did you think you could go from youtube to being a world touring star? >> no, that's why i named myself superwoman because i'm an idiot. i was, like, oh, my god, i can't
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wait for the day i blow up and get sued for this. >> trevor: but you're huge now. people love you, you're out there. here's something that confuses me all the time. youtube stars. you have our following, your freedom and fans. why do you care about tv? >> i said you were handsome -- >> trevor: people are, like, i'm moving into l.a. and getting into acting. i'm, like, but you are the future, though. >> thank you. you said it, not me. let's rebind that and play it again. no, the few times i have been on set, it's a totally different experience than what i do. i edit myself, shoot myself, write myself. when i went on the set the first time, i went in front of the camera. i was acting rightok away. the direct said, hi, i have to yell "action." i was, like, what? this is a different challenge and experience. >> trevor: i'm picturing you starting in the middle of a thing -- to be or not to be! whoa, whoa, action. >> i was, like, let me live over here. >> trevor: what's your favorite part?
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if someone says do this for these reasons, what's the favorite thing you got out of all of it? >> truthfully, and i was going to be so honest, my youtube built such a community for me, i was feeling so alone before i started making youtube videos and now i feel like i have a family of 7 million, 8 million people who truly relate to one another and make each other happy. my goal is happiness. i feel like i've accomplished that. >> trevor: i thought you were going to say money. >> money is the result but not the goal. >> trevor: yeah, i thought you were going to say money. thank you so much for being here, lilly, really wonderful having you. a trip to unicorn island. we'll be fable february 10. lilly singh, superwoman, everybody! (c
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(cheers and applause) >> trevor: that's it for our show today! thank you so much for tuning in. now here it is... your moment of zen. ♪


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